When the Darkness Visits

I wrote this for my beautiful husband recently, while he was in a hard fight against depression. Once before in his life he battled it at a much darker time and he overcame it, fell in love and married me. So, to all those who read this and experience the darkness too, please believe that it will pass, and soon it will loosen its grip and you will be joyful, creative, and passionate, and see beauty once again.

He brightens my life in every way imaginable. Now his eyes are empty and dim. Brief moments they light up again, like when I take his cold hands and tell him that this awful time will pass, and that we are doing this together, no matter what. But when he stares up at the steep mountain he must climb, his eyes reluctantly dim once again. He goes back to that awful place. The place of utter darkness, cold emptiness, and complete loneliness. The place I have to claw my way into just to pull him out for a short moment until he falls back down into the darkness again. My love, my love, please stay. My love, my love, it will all be okay. He wants to believe, he trusts the love of his life. He fights so hard; he puts everything he has into fighting it. He is unbelievably strong. But despite his greatest efforts his heart feels no joy, no passion; it feels broken. He doesn’t know what to do, how to be. He doesn’t understand how anything can be okay when he feels this way. But I know. I shake him, I hug him, I kiss him. I look into his sad eyes that speak volumes to me, and I tell him: The darkness has a hold on your heart, trust me I see it and its nasty sharp claws. Please trust me. It tries to convince you and it seems to succeed. It tells you that this life you once thought was beautiful and full, is empty and worth nothing. It tells you that you’re alone. I’m here, I say, I’m here, and I know the truth. Please trust me, my love, I see the hold it has on you. I see what your life looks like, and trust me, please trust me, it is beautiful. Soon my love, the darkness will loosen its grip and you will begin to see that it is bright over here where I stand. Then soon, oh soon my heaven, you will begin to see that there is beauty to be had in your life. Then soon, my sweet, compassionate, talented love, soon, you will feel your beautiful, wonderful life and feel what I have felt all along. The darkness will retreat, I promise you it will. You will be immersed instead, in passion, creativity, beauty, dreams, and an abundance of love. Oh honey – my love who shines like the only star in the dark sky – the light in your eyes will return and you will find me waiting for you with a sweet, warm embrace. So warm and comforting that tears will roll down your face. Butterflies will float through your stomach and finally, oh finally, my sweet amazing, inspiring, beautiful, love, you will return.

Love, Mandy

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